When we met with our doula before all of this and went through positioning and tips on how to deal with pain, I remember thinking to try and find some kind of rhythm. There was a rocking chair in the room, so I grabbed that and leaned against the back and just rocked back and forth while my mom massaged my back. My IV machine started beeping and my mom came up with the idea to focus on that. So I rocked myself according to the beat of the beeping. I remember at some point, while rocking, I was facing my sleeping husband. I know it was the pain speaking, but I was so angry that there he was sleeping in peace while I was going through all this pain with my mom. It's just so unfair that we both decided to have a baby and we both share 50% of ourselves in Liam yet I'm doing 100% of the hard work. I said to my mom "Look at him! How can he just sleep and I'm in so much pain?!". My mom tried to calm me down and redirect my attention to something else. The rocking wasn't working anymore so we moved over to the bed when I was hunched over. My mom was still rubbing my back and I was just trying to focus on anything but the pain. My mom is so sweet and I'll never forget her saying, "Just imagine yourself at Disney. There's Mickey, Goofy, and Donald. 'Hi Mickey!'". I couldn't help but let out a little giggle. My brother and sister were in Hawaii at the time and visited Aulani. I told my mom that I wished I was with them right now. My mom was amazing and did whatever she could to help distract me. But the contractions were winning. At some point, my lovely hubby woke up. I managed to get a few words out and told him to take pictures. Why did I want pictures at such a time? Why did I want evidence of all of this? Simple. Even though I was going through all of this, I wanted to be able to remember it. I knew at the end, I wanted to be able to look back at the entire experience and really appreciate it.
She came in and introduced herself. I was feeling good because of the Fentanyl, but of course nervous as hell about the big needle about to be inserted in my spine. Everything literally was a blur because of the Fentanyl. She asked my mom to leave the room because Im assuming she didn't want my mom to pass out from the needle, or at least that's what I heard. Then she asked Calvin to sit in front of me because they didn't want him to pass out either plus to be my support. I was then asked to sit at the side of the bed and hunch over. I was hunched over leaning against Calvin and I kept whispering to him "I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared". Before I knew it, I was all set and helped back into bed. I was given a little yellow button to press whenever I felt that I was regaining feeling in my legs. It literally was instant. My legs felt so numb and the pain was gone! It was nice. I was finally able to relax.
I will spare everyone the specific details, but it was quite the experience. I was so happy to have my little team with me. Each and every person contributed exactly what I needed to help get Liam out. Initially there was Cal, my doula Krystal, my mom, and my nurse. The doctor doesn't come until the very end to "catch the baby". Krystal was simply amazing as well. I was obviously nervous and had no clue what I was doing. I couldn't help but doubt myself a little. I was scared, but Krystal helped me snap out of it. I will never forget how she reminded me that I knew exactly what I was doing. I am only supposed to push once the contractions starts and once it stops, I should stop pushing. Since I had the epidural, I wasn't feeling the pain of each contraction. I was basing the start and stop of each contraction on my instinct. Initially my nurse was telling me when a contraction was happening and when to push. Krystal had noticed that right when the contraction was about to start, I was already double checking my instinct by referring over to the monitor. She reminded me that I knew my body and I knew what I was doing. I felt more comfortable to believe in myself. I also had the best nurse ever. I believe her name was Marina. She was so sweet and excited to be there to help bring Liam into the world. She was encouraging and helpful. I remember telling Calvin later that I was so happy that she was my nurse. Then there was my mom. I love my mom and she's like my best friend. Ever since I thought about giving birth to my child, I knew I wanted my mom there. Just her presence alone was comforting. Who doesn't feel safe when their mom is there?
Last, but not least, is my wonderful husband Calvin. He helped calm me down by playing some Disney music on Pandora. That man always knows that the way to my heart is Disney. My little team was very aware that I wanted Liam out before midnight so he could share his birthday with Disneyland. My nurse loved that we had Disney music on and even commented on how it put her in a good mood. I specifically remember Calvin being right there next to me and helping me count through each push and giving me the encouraging words I needed to hear. He really stepped up to the plate when I needed him the most.
I think I pushed for maybe an hour or hour and a half. I was trying so hard to have my little Disney baby, but Liam was born at 12:25 AM on Thursday, July 18, 2013. He weighed in at 7 lbs and 11 oz. and measured at 18 in. long. Even though he doesn't share a birthday with Disneyland, he will forever be my little Disney baby. He was brought into the world with Disney music and hey, his mom is a big fan! Words cannot explain how completely beautiful it all was. Right before he came out, I was in so much pain. Yes I had the epidural, but I guess it wore out by then and I had no time to think about pressing the button. I felt everything at the very end. I was in so much pain that I felt like a scene in the movies and I later found out that I scared Calvin. He did not like seeing me in so much pain and felt helpless not being able to make it go away. But once he came out and they put him on my chest, I was speechless. I have been wanting to be a mother and have a child of my own for a long time. I couldn't believe that he was here. My son was in the world, in my arms. It was simply amazing.
|Our first family picture|
|Exhausted but so in love|
|Cherishing the little moments|